I cannot believe that I've had this thing for 2 years now. It blows my mind. I can't believe I got it when I was an overly depressed little sophomore, though not as much as freshmen year.
I'm just taking solace in the fact that I love my life entirely right now, and I've figured out there's not reason to be depressed.
So I decided I'm going to go all the way back and highlights some of the best things I said on this thing:
2/20/08--"Some days I'll have insomnia, other days its like I'm that girl in your high school with narcolepsy who just falls asleep as soon as you high five your best friend."
2/21/08--"Today I went up to Zak and said WANNA HEAR A FUNNY JOKE?
And he looks at me blankly, like he always does,
and I say "I'M A GOOD PERSON."
and he laughed...hysterically."
"Apparently after you meet me, you're no longer a beautiful flower, you're a flaming raquet ball of death."
2/22/08--"EVERYONE IS FUCKED IN THEIR OWN WAY.
Embrace it, enjoy it.
Its what makes you different from everyone else.
It really is.
Don't complain that your life sucks.
It doesn't.
Don't complain that everyone hates you.
They don't.
Don't complain that you're fat and ugly.
You're not."
2/24/08--"I found my Nano Baby the other day.
and the stupid electronic brat won't stop bitching.
God. whenever I get sick of it, I over discipline it and start over by resetting it.
That shows great promise for my parenting future.."
3/18/08--"..me and Josh marveled on one of the most amazing,
or disturbing things we've ever seen.:
A 65 LBS.
Solid Chocolate Bunny.
Probably about half my size,
and I'm 5'4''.
So that's what?
3 feet of chocolate shaped like a rabbit that you wouldn't even be able to put your hands around.
You'd need a fucking meat cleaver to chop the part off that you wanted to eat."
9/10/08--"Then EVERYONE in the world would know how neurotic I actually am.
I used that word the other day and someone asked me if I knew what it meant.
I said yes, I'm not a dumbass,
and of course their response was to ask me why I referred to myself as a drug.....
That's NARCOTICS."
9/20/08--"anywho, if you're wondering why I put a "ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK" sign on my blog,
well it seemed fun.
and if nothing else, it's the most bad ass thing you can do while blogging, unless you just say
"FUCK THIS FUCKING FUCK FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU." "
"Only one person is allowed to have way too much energy and show it every moment of their day.
And that's Richard Simmons.
If you disagree, I will fight you.
No lie."
9/21/08--"or maybe it just bugs me that she [P!nk] spells her name with a "!", like that really counts as a vowel.
IT DOESN'T. and WE SHOULD NOT BE ENCOURAGING IT!"
9/22/08--"Maybe we're all spineless bastards being controlled by the government,
but none of us know it....."
9/26/08--"Today would've been insufficiently uneventful had it not been for me deciding to kick it up in gym class a little bit.
I ran around screaming there was a bee in my shoe.
Monica told me to take my shoe off.
at which point I just said there wasn't a bee in my shoe."
" War Vs. Pants.
I hate pants."
9/29/08--"Yes, my little imaginary world: Andrew McMahon is GOOD, Fat Mike is EVIL, Judas Priest is Fat Mike's legion of demons, and Anthony Green and Craig Owens are Andrew's legion of angels.
I'd let them sit on my shoulder and argue all day, but just end up pushing the evil ones off my shoulder so they can fall to their death...."
"I enjoy watching Prince Fielder run.
He's fluffy."
10/05/08--"Sometimes I wish that I had absolutely no brain capacity at all.
Then at least when I don't apply myself in school, I could have a reason for being retarded."
"Bottom line: Don't ever let someone put down your dreams.
Always go for what you want."
"I swear to the Lord in Heaven, that if the NFL announcers compare Aaron Rodgers to Brett Favre one more time when they are announcing shit, I am going to personally fly to wherever they are announcing, and I will shove a football down their throat, up their ass, and through their noses.
Then at least they won't be able to talk.
JUST SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY.
They are:
TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I know this is hard to grasp as an idea..."
"It was old already when Brett went through his mid life crisis or menopause
with his little spiel of I'M DONE PLAYING FOOTBALL, NO I'M NOT, YES I AM, NO I'M NOT, YES I AM, NO I WON'T PLAY FOR THE PACKERS, TED THOMPSON IS MEAN TO ME, THEY FORCED ME TO RETIRE, I WANT TO PLAY FOR ANOTHER TEAM NOW.
I'm going to shove my foot down his throat.
Not just a football."
"If someone plays, hums, does anything concerning the song DISTURBIA by RHIANNA, I will kill someone.
This has been long overdone to the point where it won't even include something being shoved down someone's throat, it'll just be death."
"helevectica is an ugly font on Microsoft word, and no one uses it anyways."
10/06/08--"it's just like CREATE A SHOW FOR THE ONES WHO SUCK SO THEY THINK THEIR GOOD EVEN THOUGH AMERICA WILL LAUGH AT THEM, HEY AT LEAST THEY'RE LIVING THEIR DREAM...KIND OF...."
10/22/08--"I wish I had mind powers that would do my homework in my sleep."
10/27/08--"If you could, would you be Brittney Spears for a day?
that'd be cool.I could walk around pantless in public and shave my head. "
10/28/08--"You know that one Skittles commercial where everything the man touches turns into Skittles?
WELLLL,....It has sprung up many different questions:
-What happens if brah touches skittles...do they turn into more skittles?
-Was he born with it? He couldn't have been...because otherwise his mother's uterus would've turned into skittles, and then when the doctor was delivering the baby, skittles would've been falling everywhere..."
(10/31/08--wrote a poem on Halloween. I think it's really good. Check it out. Happy Halloween if you want to.)
10/31/08--"By the way, I never realised how ugly Dan Rather is.
He just turned 77.
"Congrats! Ya look like a purse..." "
11/02/08--"Who would honestly want to insure an Autobot?
as much as a fan as I personally am,
no one would."
Check this post out too. (Especially if your name starts with Ja and ends in Earce.)
11/05/08--"I just ate skittles that tasted like carpet cleaner."
11/30/08--"jeaperscreeperss (6:44:44 PM): is it wrong?
jeaperscreeperss (6:44:47 PM): that i love lil jon?
notsofearce(6:45:09 PM): more wrong than anything else ive heard today."
" Go build a snowman, whenever you get the chance.
Even if you think you're too old.
You're never too old for anything.
Never forget that."
"Q: What happened to the man who saw the lion at the store?
A: He got malled."
12/04/08--"Have a good night.
If there's snow where you live, go do something productive in it, even if the most creative thing is spraying words into the snow with food coloring or (if you're a guy) piss. Have fun. Life is too short to take everything too seriously. I'm glad I'm figuring that out at a young age. Because I'm going to have a mind like a kid for the rest of my life. And I love that. You only live once, and I'm going to do it having the best possible time of my life. If that means being reckless and immature every so often, then so be it. Then when I'm old I can tell great stories of everything I've done, and regret nothing. And I can't wait to become the legend that I know is already waiting for me. Cheers to that.
And one more thing. When I get old, I'm never watching the news. It's for people who take life too seriously, and for people who have nothing better to do than from upon the world and society just shaking their head at how utterly messed up it truly is. Yes, society is messed up. I'm not going to disagree with that. But I'm not going to sit on my ass not doing anything. "Be the change you want in the world."--Ghandi.
Cheers again and again."
12/17/08--"I played Badmitton with a pencil today?
that makes me hardcore. :x
I hate that "smiley".
It's stupid, and shouldn't count as anything."
" "I always expect Jenni to be waiting at the other side of a door. That way when she's not there to scare me, I'm pleasantly surprised."
--Mo-ned Klingalingaling"
12/18/08--"I'm just going to start out with a cocky statement to begin with:
"My new myspace picture is so adorable, I don't know how people can even stand it."
and I mean that from the bottom of my heart."
12/19/08--"Don't lick cars in the cold."
(This is really nerdy, but this is probably one of my favorite posts: SURS.)
(And this is my most random post ever: Myspace Survey.)
1/05/09--"I can't help it that when something good happens, I'm overly optimistic.
I'm not one to dwell on low points of my life.
It's not worth it.
Life is just to short to spend it melodramatically depressed."
" and to end with the day...some wisdom:
New Year's Resolutions make me laugh. No one ever keeps them, and no one ever really applies themselves to them. They only do it to make themselves look like they have some kind of idea of what self preservation is....But they don't. And this is what makes me laugh. Why do we have to wait 365 days to designate a goal for ourselves? If someone really TRULY wanted to change themselves, they would start the day they wanted to change themself. They wouldn't stand around waiting for January 1st. They would truly commit themselves to changing as soon as possible. But no one actually wants to change, they only say they want to change. As people, we are all too deeply set in our ways to change how we already are. I'm not saying it's an impossible task to accomplish. I'm just saying it's a lot more difficult than declaring a so called oath on the first of the year every year. It shouldn't matter what the date is. The only significance January 1st should truly have on people is that it just means that Earth has completed yet another revolution around the sun, and it's starting all over again. It's no different from January 2nd. And that's how it should be treated.
Take what you want from that, I hope it's something positive... "
1/09/09--"Even though my math teacher is scary, I'm willing to face the wrath that would probably put Lucifer, himself, to shame.
So long story short, I guess I came on here tonight to say:
When in doubt, just say "yes, I do think that the answer is always 7." "
(Here: My Beethoven Story)
2/09/09--(In reference to the annoying girls at Barnes and Noble obsessed with Twilight who threw the magazines all over the place) "On the cover it read: Inside the Twilight movie and cast exlusive! Plus free poster of Robert Pattinson!
There was also a picture of Rob right there on the cover. It was little, and to the side, but it was enough to make these little girls almost have their first orgasm at the sight of him."
2/10/09--" Listening to Ben Folds almost makes me feel like a bad ass.
It feels as legit as if I'd be listening to some hardcore old school hiphop."
2/12/09--"I've been told on countless occasion by many of my friends that shopping with me is much like shopping with a toddler [on crack]."
2/25/09--"So the next girl who runs by me screaming their head off about how they want to have Oli Sykes babies,
I might have to kick in the mouth.
FUCK! COME ON PEOPLE! HAVE SOME DIGNITY!
I can actually understand maybe getting a little crazy at a concert, shouting things and whathaveyou,
but just being in the hallway at school with your locker open licking the inside of the door where you taped the picture is
R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S!
So yeah, I've said it before, I'll say it again and again: Put your bras back on and go find your dignity that's hiding in a ridiculously deep lake."
3/17/09--"I think that Randy Jackson and the rest of us crackass should leave the cool things like sports, slang and talking, and dancing (among many, many other things) to the black people. They do it wayyyy better than we do. And sometimes, I wish I didn't dance so foolishly."
4/13/09--"So the phone rings, I run up to get it, answer it and say "Joe's Mortuary, You stab em, we slab em!"
There was silence on the other line of the phone for maybe a millisecond before a shrew, cranky telemarketer's voice goes "You know, that's not even funny..really. You should be ashamed of yourself."
They kept going, but I just looked at the phone, and hung up."
4/24/09--"In my words, "If days were people, I would kick today.", which my neighbor asked me why I kick people.
I responded with out of hate."
5/12/09--"So today I was thinking about what it would be like to talk to one of the commercial narrators in real life.
I think I'd feel incredibly obsolete. Mainly because as I was talking to him, I'd be thinking he'd be narrating the conversation in this really intense low voice. And then I would probably ask something embarassing like "Were you born with that voice?" or "Did you always talk like that and intimidate people who went to school with?" or "Did your puberty suck? Because I'm sure it did." or "You know just because you have a kick ass voice, doesn't make you good looking...."
or all of the above.
I babble when I first meet people I'm nervous around.
But just think about it, wouldn't talking to the guy whose voice is in movie preview be weird. I'd probably have GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME stamped on my forehead I'd feel so weird....
I wonder what he looks like.
WHAT IF NO ONE KNOWS WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE BECAUSE HIS VOICE BLINDS PEOPLE OR WHAT IF HE WAS REALLY A ROBOT OR AN ALIEN?!
I'm gonna go with alien. Nothing human sounds like that....
I'm convinced and I guarantee you."
5/30/09--"So do you think I could sue Twix if I ate one to get myself out of an awkward situation and time didn't slow down or stop for me to think about my reaction to this situation? I'm sure I could if that idiot who sued McDonalds got money for spilling coffee on herself because she wasn't aware that the beverage was hot. I MEAN HELLO YOU ORDERED COFFEE. IT WASN'T A CHILLED BEVERAGE YEARS UNTIL YEARS AFTER SHE WON HER LAWSUIT. And what is with coffee being a chilled beverage now anyways? I hate that. Coffee is already gross, no offense to you coffee lovers, but at least when the coffee is hot you can say you like it but you really don't know if you like it or aren't aware of how incredibly gross it is because its so scaulding hot that it burns off your taste buds. When its chilled you have no actual excuse for drinking it. I think coffee is gross and it tastes like ass. Don't even get me started on tea. I don't even understand tea, therefore I can't even begin to explain that.....They are having the Game Show Awards. I don't even know how you can give awards to shows that basically only deal with giving out awards. It confused me. I'm not going to waste my time thinking about that conundrum even though I'll probably end up watching it. Like I said--crappy TV. I was watching a lot of WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? and may I say either I am an excellent guesser or they should just give me a check right now for being a genius. I knew every single question asked on every rerun I watched--and trust me that was a lot of reruns........"
5/30/09--"Putting all racism aside, because honestly I'm not racist in the least bit, but do you ever notice everytime they need a black guy in a movie Samuel L. Jackson pops up? It's kind of amazing. It's like he walks onto any set and goes, "I'M GONNA BE IN THIS MOVIE. GIMME A COSTUME." And everyone is just like "eh whatever, give him a few lines. people will never expect it." But the thing is, now we DO expect. I'm starting to get dissapointed everytime it's not Samuel L. and its some other black guy. It just doesn't seem right to me to have another black actor when Samuel L. is doing such a dandy job."
"Kristen Stewart blinks to much. Everytime I see a movie with her, especially Twilight I just want to slap her and say STOP BLINKING. Next time you see a movie with her, just count how many times she blinks. It is NOT humanly possible! You lose count and then you get frustrated. "
Click here to read my FUN story of my driver's test
6/25/09--"I don't know what critics are smoking, but they seriously have to step down from their pedistal and think about what us common folk would be amused by. Flashing fight scenes and funny robot talk? Yes please."
7/09/09--"Besides the fact that listening to Hey Monday makes me feel like a total tool...or a 12 year old again....."
8/12/09--"So, I just have a few thoughts.
First, Julia Stiles has a smile that frowns. Secondly, if I hear Miley Cyrus's song "The Climb" one more time, I am going the take "the climb" to the top of a mountain and jump down it, rolling and falling to my doom screaming FUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKK YOOOUUU HANNNNAAHHHH MOOOOONNNNTTAAANNNAAA.
She looks like a horse.
It bothers me. and thirdly, I love Hollywood Squares.
I've been DVRing it for months now on the GSN (that's short for Game Show Network).
But, I think its sexist that the X is always a guy and the O is always a girl.
I don't quite know how that's sexist, but I have a feeling that it is.
by the way this touch screen computer is really, really inconvenient when bugs snuck into your house and they are flying around the damned little lamp that you have and they keep running into the screen totally fucking shit up for you.
man oh man, is it pissssssssssing me off!"
9/18/09--"I've come to realize that it is so easy to defeat yourself because of what people say about yourself.
But tell me something...
why is it so easy to listen to what these people say when you know that it's not true?
Why can't you just stand back and laugh at what they are saying about you rather than they laugh at knowing that what they are saying to you and about you is getting to you?
You know that you're the better person, and yet by feeding into their bullshit, it makes you look like the jackass.
Some words of wisdom:
1. Never change who you are or what you stand for just because people ridicule you for being a little bit different.
2. Stand by your friends.
3. Stand by the people who stand by you.
Just do me a favor and keep that in mind.
And watch Remember the Titans.
Gary and Julius have some legit guy love for reals."
10/02/09--"I had to watch a documentary on Walmart in my Econ class, which was interesting.
I fell asleep, but not before deciding that SAM WALTON IS A COMMIE!"
10/08/09--"I had an epiphany today.
I was looking at some kid in my AP Stats class and he was wearing a University of Florida shirt.
First time I was reading it, I was like cool, cool. But then I read it again and I was like "University of Flo Rida"....
Either I'm a genius or an idiot. It hasn't been confirmed yet.
But Flo Rida is the true idiot if that's where he got his name from, and I'm definitely thinking that's where he got it from."
"I've decided that I'm inventing a tshirt that has a pillow built into the sleeve right where you put your head when you try to sleep in class so that when you wake up, your face doesn't hurt because it was laying on your fibula."
12/06/09--"I really despise people with inferiority complexes.
People who think that they are better than everyone else just because of their views, intelligence, looks...etc.
It's really been getting to me later.
I swear to God it makes me wants to punch a baby.
And these are the kinds of people who won't acknowledge that they are unbearable to be around because they think they are God's gift to humanity.
Pisses me off, let me tell you.
I mean, fuck, I'm narcissistic, but I'm not that bad am I?"
12/12/09--"It really bothers me that Lady Gaga wears a wig.
That is all."
Angriest Post I've Had Yet
2/08/10--"Would it be cocky of me to follow myself?
No, I have a better question. Would it surprise anyone?
Probably not."
Okay. Wow. Two years.
I hope you enjoyed that. If not I just wasted your time, but if you didn't enjoy it somewhat, then you wouldn't read this.
Here's the deal. I'm feeling indulgent. New YIR's aren't being posted until Captain Blinky Lights and The Pirate Hooker decide to comment on the last two year in reviews that I did.
Either the Fuse one or the Part 1 that I posted, or on this one to acknowledge the fact that you read it.
Just a simple "nice, now keep going you slow dumbass" would suffice because this shit takes me long to do, and I like/hate doing it. And it especially takes longer when I go the extra mile and post links to stuff in the post. It's hard and a pain in the ass, but I do it for your enjoyment mainly, and because I'm so cocky that I like reading my own stuff. :D
So while I'm here being a dickbag who needs attention, comment.
I changed my comment settings anyways, so I need to know if everyone can comment.
Now. Go fulfil my needs!
jenni.
1 comments:
hurry your ass up. ive been reading, tardjacket.
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